Archive for the ‘Smut’ Category

Darker? Seriously?

Posted: April 14, 2018 in Smut
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I’m not sure why it surprised me to learn that EL James actually rewrote Fifty Shades Darker from Christian’s POV.  She rewrote the first one, so why not the whole trilogy?  I guess too many of the bimbos who devoured the trilogy from Ana’s POV demanded Christian’s POV.  I read a few of the reviews. The main one is from a deluded gal who chastises the critical reviews. Some of her comments are priceless:

Do you realize how difficult it is for James to come up with stuff? She had to mirror Ana’s POV and dialogue otherwise we’d have a different story. She was so generous to gift us with all of this because many of us loved this couple so much and always will. Be grateful people.

I actually snorted when I read this.  Good thing I wasn’t drinking at the time, or it would have sprayed the monitor.  Do you realize how difficult it is for James to come up with stuff? —  Seriously?  LMAO  — She had to mirror Ana’s POV and dialogue otherwise we’d have a different story.

This reviewer is clearly not a writer, or even that intelligent, if she thinks that any situation would be exactly the same from different points of view.  Yes, the time line would need to be the same and the interactions would need to be consistent, but the conversations would not need to be exactly the same or even regurgitated. I doubt Christian would have paid as much attention to what Ana was saying, as he thought about locking her up and whipping her.  No one hears the same thing, but of course James is going to go the easy route, even pasting all the emails.  Seriously?  The reader really needs to go through all those boring ass emails AGAIN?  A good writer would have found a better way to do it.  If you want to know how two identical stories can be original and new from differing POV’s, read the first 11 chapters of Twilight and then the uncompleted manuscript of Midnight Sun.  Stephanie Meyer KNOWS how to do it, though I doubt EL James cares that she doesn’t due to her ridiculously stupid fanbase. She’s still making bank.

She was so generous to gift us with all of this because many of us loved this couple so much and always will. Be grateful people. — This is when I snorted.  Generous?  Grateful?  EL James knows she has a cash cow from all you idiots, so she will keep churning out the same crap to get richer. Not because she’s generous, but because she’s lazy not to mention greedy.

For those of you who don’t want to read Twilight and Midnight Sun, I will give you a simple demonstration of a meal scene between Ana and Christian from their respective POV’s.

Ana’s POV:

“No, Christian, I don’t want to sign the contract until it’s been edited. Anal fisting and nipple clamps are hard limits.” 

I felt my cheeks get hot as his gaze shifted from my face to the plate before me. Oh my, was he going to complain about how little I’d eaten?  I swallowed the lump in my throat and bit my lower lip.  It took a moment to realize he’d spoken, so I only caught the tail end of his question. I shook my head, fighting the sigh as I realized what he’d asked, something with which he seemed overly obsessed. Rolling my eyes in frustration, I responded. “No, I’m not very hungry.”

The sides of his mouth twitched as his jaw tightened. I wish I could read his mind, because his features were too well schooled to know what he was thinking. His softly spoken but delayed response was my only clue that some internal battle was going on inside him.  Why couldn’t we have normal conversations, instead of harping on my appetite or whether or not we could fuck without involving whips and chains?

 “You don’t ever seem very hungry.”

I could barely make out the words, but his tone was strange. Like he was about to snap and do something crazy, but his civilized side was keeping that in check.  Stupidly I shrugged and bit my lip again. Realizing my error, I held my breath as his gaze darted to my mouth.  Oh my, was he going to punish me for that later? I quickly looked down at the plate and stabbed a green bean with my fork, hurrying to take a bite. Maybe if I ate my vegetables as requested, he would be appeased.

Christian’s POV:

She is so beautiful and fragile, but wild and stubborn.  I must tame her. Why can’t she see how much I need her? Her unwillingness to sign the contract was beyond frustrating.  The constant editing took more and more of my control away, and that was unacceptable.  How can I fully possess her, if she continues to make such ridiculous demands? Her mention of anal fisting and nipple clamps brought my attention fully back to the conversation.  Hard limits? Damn it.  I’ll show her hard limits. My dick twitched as blood rushed through it, hardening it slightly at the vivid image of her naked body writhing beneath mine.

Forcing my thoughts away from the red room, I stared at her untouched meal and sighed.  “Are you going to let another meal go to waste, Anastasia? You should at least eat your vegetables.”

Her cheeks flushed as she followed my gaze to her plate.  My jaw clenched as she bit her lower lip.  She knows what that does to me, and my dick fully hardened beneath the table.  I shifted in my seat and adjusted my legs in an attempt to give it more room in my slacks.  Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm the sudden need to grab her out of that chair and push her face first over the table.

Anastasia rolled her eyes as she again told me that she wasn’t hungry.  Damn her, she doesn’t eat enough to feed a bird, and I hate skinny women.  I also hated people rolling their eyes at me. Sucking air through my teeth, sheer force of will kept me calm.

“When are you ever very hungry?” I muttered softly, unsure if she could even hear me.  I watched her narrow shoulders shrug as she bit her lip AGAIN! My breath caught as her eyes widened in fear before lowering her head to stare at her food. Grabbing a fork, she quickly speared something green and shoved it into her mouth.  As my erection grew painful, I imagined something better to shove into her mouth.

 

There you have it, and I spared us all the ridiculous Inner Goddess.  You’re welcome!

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Worse things than rape

Posted: December 9, 2015 in Smut

I just read some 1 star reviews of my poem, 10 Things Worse than Rape.  For those of you who would like to read them, here is the direct link on Itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/ten-things-worse-than-rape/id714747294?mt=11

I smiled as I read those negative reviews. Why? Because these ladies are why I wrote the poem to begin with.  Without fail, there will always be some female who thinks that having a dick shoved into her without her express approval is far worse than any other possible horrible outcome.  I will never be able to wrap my mind around a woman who feels this way.  Sex is not the worst thing that can happen.  If the rapist is violent, the beatings or torture would be far worse than the actual rape act.  If you don’t agree, stop thinking your pussy is lined with gold!

I just had some fun reading the reviews on Amazon. Of course I ignored the mindless 5 star reviews from the brainless bimbos who refuse to admit this story is crap, but the 1 star reviews are hilarious and pretty much say what my earlier post stated.  Many are justifiably asking for refunds!

Amazon 1 star reviews for Grey!

Here are my favorites:

“I was so excited about the book. I had to ask for a refund, I already paid once for the story, it’s like she copied the first book, and just changed a few words here and there. ust repeated the same thing.”

Um, were you expecting something else?  Like maybe Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer, where you are given a completely new story from a completely new POV?  Nah, I didn’t think so.  LOL

“Boring, boring, boring. This author does not care about her fan base, publishing this book was out of greed.”

EL James, greedy?  No, tell me it aint so!

“Horrible writing, but EL James is going to milk it as long as she can.”

Of course she will, when she has dim witted dip shits adding to her coffers.

“Completely repititous of original book but original book better writen. Added nothing insightful. Made CHristian sound like a whiner. Feel like this was only written to get more money.”

No, really? Tell me it isn’t so.

“I want proof that this is Christian Grey’s POV, because what I’ve read sounds like Anna’s Inner Goddess got snockered on some cheap booze, and possibly some bath salts.”

Proof? On a fictional character’s POV?  Really?

I could go on, but why bother?  It’s still #1 on Amazon, but hopefully that declines soon. This bitch is already richer than Midas thanks to you idiots.  I just can’t…

 

 

 

 

Ok, I guess pigs do have wings and hell has frozen over.  EL James made good with her threats on writing 50 Shades of Grey from Christian’s POV.  And here it is:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00Y6QF0PE

I can only hope that none of you who actually click this link will buy the book, since I won’t even get commission for it. DAMMIT!  But the thing that really irks me is that the greedy bitch has priced it at $9.99 (ETA lowered to $7.99) for the Kindle as well as the paperback. Like it costs as much to release it in ebook format as printing the fucking book?  OMG!  To make matters even worse, it’s currently #2, and I’m sure with all the sad sacks out there who like this rubbish, it will be #1 before its official release date of June 18th. That’s right. The damn thing isn’t even available right now, but the damn stupid bimbos are buying it up like it’s crack.

I hope that the majority of the morons who  will finally get inside the book Christian’s head will immediately realize their mistake and demand their refunds.  Luckily, Amazon does allow this for up to 2 weeks.  I know since I’ve seen some stingy shits doing that with my books on occasion. Luckily though more people keep the books than actually have the nerve to read it for free.

I for one didn’t even want to read the book from Ana’s POV, so I certainly don’t want to get inside the head of the monster Christian is on paper.  Write it based on the movie Christian, then I might be tempted!

6/3/15 ETA: UGH! It’s now #1 bestseller on Amazon!  What is the world coming to?!?!

1. I actually finished the movie. Can’t say that for the book.
2. The movie was loosely based on the book.  My inner goddess does back flips of joy!
3. No idiotic inner goddess or that other prudish glasses wearing conscience.
4. I actually liked the movie Christian.
5. I actually liked the movie Anastasia.
6. They got rid of all that crap about Ana not owning a computer or cellphone, though it was a flip-phone and the computer was “broken”.
7. They got rid of the punishment sex after Ana wouldn’t let Christian grope her under the table at his parents’ dinner.
8. They got rid of all the Holy Cow…holy crap…holy etc.  Holy hell, that was eye rollingly irritating.
9. Ana is actually funny in the movie.
10. EL James didn’t write the script.
11. I actually felt bad for Christian at the end, when he was afraid of losing Ana.
12. I actually felt bad for Ana at the end, when she realized she couldn’t handle his 50 shades of fuckedupness.
13. They didn’t include the infamous tampon scene (I gave up on the book right before this scene, thank GOD!)
14. Christian didn’t seem quite as creepy and stalkerish as in the book.
15. And last but certainly not least, the email correspondence between them was majorly (and I’m not joking here) majorly toned down.

I’m sure I could make it to 50 reasons, but it would get boring by then.  🙂  There is a lot to hate in the book, but not so much in the movie.  Except for when they stick close to the ending from the book, the movie is really good.  Ana’s sexual awakening is sexy to watch, and far more believable than in the book.  That Ana would climax if Christian breathed on her.  I’m sure I rolled my eyes more than she did.

I’ve decided to see if I can come up with 50 reasons:

16. The book Ana is stupid, while the movie Ana is quite clever.
17. The movie Christian doesn’t harp on what Ana eats.
18. Ana’s orgasms are more believable in the movie.
19. There’s less of Jose in the movie.
20. You don’t have to suffer through badly written prose.
21. The dialogue is better.
22. Ana in the movie wasn’t constantly afraid of upsetting Christian.
23. I wasn’t disgusted and pissed off as I watched the movie, like I was for the book.
24. Ana didn’t desert her mother the night Christian arrived in Georgia unannounced.
25. I didn’t hate the movie.

Well, I made it to 25.  I’ll add more as I think of them.  🙂

…you’re in the far right lane and at the very last second dart over three lanes of traffic to cut off the car in that lane to get on the freeway.

…you’re too busy talking on your cellphone to drive the speed limit.

…you spit or throw ANYTHING out of your car window.

…you cut someone off to steal a parking spot they were waiting for.

…you use the last of the toilet paper but don’t replace the roll.

…you drink the last cold community/family soda but don’t put more in the fridge to chill.

…your food makes a mess in the microwave but you don’t bother to clean it up.

…you drop something on the floor and leave it there.

…you leave your clothes everywhere but in the hamper.

…when pushing your grocery cart through the parking lot, you stay in the center of the aisle instead of either side, not caring you’re blocking cars driving through…and then glare at the cars behind you for getting too close.

…you speed up every time another car tries to pass you, and then slow back down once they get behind you.

Ever heard of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck, if…”?  Well, that’s inspired me to come up with “You might be an inconsiderate thoughtless ass, if…”  I’ve started the list at home and might illustrate it and turn it into a book if I can come up with enough of them.  Considering that the drivers on the road alone give me a bunch, that shouldn’t be too hard.  Here are a few that I can think of now:

You might be an inconsiderate thoughtless ass, if…

…it’s raining and/or foggy, and you drive with your headlights off.

…you’re in the checkout line at the grocery store and decide you don’t want that dairy item so you just leave it in the magazine rack to spoil.

…when walking in a public area, you weave back and forth, not caring if you cut off other people walking faster than you.

…while out with friends, you insist on frequently laughing loudly and obnoxiously, ignoring the glares of other patrons.

…while on a date, you spend more time texting on your phone than actually talking to your date.

…after changing your baby’s diaper in a parking lot, you leave the dirty one on the ground instead of throwing it in the trashcan.

…you throw your cigarette butts out the window of your car, not caring that you could start a forest fire.

 

Well, that’s it for now.  I might turn this into a weekly thing.  🙂

Enjoy!