Passengers – second thoughts

I told you, this movie makes you think! I had a conversation with my sister about the ending, and she had an interesting idea. Knowing that they couldn’t have more than one child to prevent any incest, they would have put their son/daughter in hibernation at the age of 18. Then he/she would be able to live out his/her life on the new planet. I’m sure it would be hard for the child to know Aurora and Jim would be long dead by then, but it would be the best solution.

I have since come up with another solution that would have prevented Jim and Aurora from dying on the ship. Assuming they didn’t have children at all, they could have put each other temporarily into hibernation for a year or two at a time, to make the 88 years go by faster. That way they would both still be alive when they reached the planet, and they could spend their golden years there. For instance if each of them spent 2 years in hibernation and then spent 1 year together and then repeated that, 5 years would go by for every 3 each was awake. That would be 52.8 years instead of 88. Or, if they shortened that, maybe 1 year for each in hibernation and they only spent 3 months together, it would feel like only 48.9 passed. They could even have spent three months with each other between hibernations. So 1 year in hibernation, 3 months together, 1 year in hibernation for the other, and then 3 months together…etc. And that would only increase their awake time to 52.8 years, which is the same as the first scenario. Basically, the less time they spend with each other, the less they age. I figure this might be what they did after the “honeymoon” phase wore off. LOL

Passengers

I’ve been looking forward to watching Passengers for so long that when it finally came to Vudu, I stayed up until 11:00 on Monday night to watch it.  The movie didn’t do as well as it should have since the PC crowd didn’t like the hidden twist involved in how Aurora (Jennifer Lawrence) awoke from her hibernation pod.  Now, if you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read any further, since spoilers will be discussed.

To give a quick summary for those who don’t like to visit wikipedia, 5000 people are on their way to a new planet in hibernation aboard a spaceship for the 120 year trip.  30 years in, Jim (endearingly played by Chris Pratt) wakes up to discover he is the only one due to a malfunction.  He tries and fails to get his pod to put him back to sleep.  He gets depressed and almost kills himself before seeing Aurora in her pod.  He watches her videos and reads her articles and falls in love with her.  He doesn’t want to wake her, knowing he will trap her on the ship to eventually die, but he’s weak and the temptation is too strong.  Over the next year they fall in love until she finds out what he did. Then she’s furious, calls him a murderer and wants nothing to do with him.  Then one of the crew’s pod malfunctions, so there are now three, but he’s dying due to the way he woke up. Knowing he doesn’t have much time left, he gives them access to the bridge and medical.  They realize that the ship is doomed because of the malfunction that initially woke Jim, and it takes both he and Aurora to fix the ship, to save everyone.

Now before I go any further, it must be pointed out that if Jim had left Aurora in the pod (as the ridiculous PC crowd thinks), he couldn’t have saved the ship on his own.  Everyone, including Aurora, would have died in their sleep.  Keep that in mind.

Jim dies saving the ship, but Aurora uses the crewman’s ID and saves him in medical.  She realizes she loves him and can’t live without him, so she forgives what he did.  Knowing she still wants to live her life with all the others, he tells her that he’s figured out that the pod in medical can also hibernate, and he offers to put her back to sleep.  Aurora decides she doesn’t want to leave Jim, and they live their life on the ship until they die.

The movie ends 88 years later as the crew awakens to discover a changed ship, since Aurora and Jim planted trees and grass and turned the main concourse into a forest. I really enjoyed the movie, but the following things immediately jumped to mind:

1. Did they have children?  Wouldn’t they? And what happened after those children grew up and survived their parents? Surely they must have procreated and had incestuous children, and those children would have done the same.  The ship would have been infested by possibly brain damaged adults/children.
2. If they didn’t have children, one of them would have survived the other.  So is his/her rotting body lying somewhere to be found? What if one of them died by drowning or food poisoning? The other would have been stranded on his/her own until death.  The only other way i can think of is that the survivor wouldn’t want to live alone and would have jettisoned his/herself out of the airlock.  Depressing, huh?
3. What if they fell out of love with each other after a few years? Or 10 or 20?  Would Jim still have been willing to put her into hibernation?  I would think this would have been the most likely scenario. I just don’t believe they were happy until they both died. It isn’t logical.  Or am I being cynical?

The movie makes you think. Well, it should, unless you’re a PC fanatic, then all you can think about is how evil Jim is for waking Aurora.  They demonize him as if he’s a rapist, but he wanted companionship.  She made the first move, and he never forced her to do anything.  But the PC crowd compares her feelings for Jim to Stockholm syndrome. For those who don’t know what that means, it’s how kidnapped people fall for their kidnappers, which is a load of rubbish.  Jim is just as trapped as Aurora is.  She didn’t even really have a purpose. She left her friends behind and planned on going to the new planet and then go back to Earth, so she could write an article about her experiences.  Nothing in her plan really changes. She ends up writing a book about her experiences, which is probably more exciting than what she initially planned. Besides, if Jim didn’t wake her, everyone would have died!

Could the movie have been better?  Possibly, but it’s just pathetic that it didn’t do better because too many ignorant people have bought into the ridiculous notion of being politically correct.  That is the travesty here, not Jim’s decision to wake up Aurora.

WTF is up with video reviews?

I have an itch that I need to scratch, and what better place than on the internet? I have a question, even though I doubt I will get an answer.

Why do people post video reviews?

It doesn’t matter if it’s on a book, movie or video game, why?  Luckily, the majority of people leaving reviews are normal and don’t do this, and without fail (so far), all the people who do post the videos are butt ugly.  So not only do I not care what you have to say, I don’t want to look at you either.

Personally, I think people do it for a variety of reasons.  First, they are too damn lazy to type what they think, which is pretty damn sad.  Second, they don’t realize how ugly or insignificant they are.  Really, no one cares that you took the time to video yourself talking about something.  Third, they think they can monetize these videos.  Yeah right!  *laughing hysterically* and fourth, maybe they think they will reach the ignorant masses who can’t read.

Unless you’re Laci Green, and can be all cute and flirty and spunky and crazy, all mixed up together, no one cares what you have to say.  I will never click on another video review, and I just wish they would go away!  One of these days I will film one myself and use barbie dolls committing hari kari over 50 Shades of Grey!

/rant

Let’s talk about 50 Shades, but screw calm and rational

OK, the gloves are coming off.  I stumbled upon this gem while lurking around Jenny Trout’s site: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/lets-talk-about-50-shades-in-a-calm-and-rational-way/

It pisses me off that she feels she must defend her reasons for admitting this trilogy is atrocious crap.  And that isn’t an opinion people.  It is CRAP, and that’s a FACT!  The fact that you people who defend this shit don’t realize it, means you are too messed up in the head to realize something is majorly wrong with you.  So here is what I’m going to do.  I’m going to go through and answer all the questions Jenny answered, but I will not be as diplomatic as she was.

It’s just fiction/entertainment! Why are you so mad?

Fiction? OK, I’ll go for that, but entertainment?  If you find something as vile as the way Christian treats Ana as entertainment, then go crawl back under your rock.  I’m mad because it scares me that so many women are swooning over this monster.  Maybe this is why it took so long for women to gain the same rights as men, because we (as a gender) are too damn stupid to be trusted to make the right decisions.  All you women who want to be Ana and “cared” for by a man like Christian?  You all are admitting you want a man to abuse you, as long as he is rich, gorgeous and sexy.  That idea makes me want to vomit.  THAT is why I’m so mad.

Okay, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad book. That doesn’t mean it’s responsible for Domestic Violence.

Who the fuck said this trash is responsible for domestic violence?  That existed as far back as…well, forever.  Cavemen saw a woman they wanted, they would hit her on the head with a club, drag her away by her hair and then rape the shit out of her. We are supposed to be advanced beyond that, but you bimbos who love Christian Grey are just sending a neon beacon to all the neanderthal men out there that you still like that.  BRAVO!

So, no one should ever write anything, because someone might emulate it and get hurt?

If what you want to write might emulate someone to get hurt, then maybe you should crawl back under your rock.  No, that isn’t even the issue. I couldn’t give a shit less if some stupid woman reads this and tells her husband or boyfriend she wants him to be Christian, so he beats the shit out of her.  If she likes it, well, that’s her issue, but again, Ana never likes that in any of the books.  She just wants Christian to love her, like that is even possible.  The man is such a wreck, he can’t possibly know what love is.

Well, what do you want, then?

I want Stephanie Meyer to grow a pair and take EL James to court, asking for an injunction to stop selling books/movies based on fan fiction of HER work. That shit isn’t supposed to be allowed.  Too bad she didn’t do it in the first place before so many millions of women disappointed me about my own gender.  I don’t even know if I want to continue writing erotic fiction for women, since obviously I won’t write what they crave: a leading man who is such an abusive asshole!  YUCK!

But why? E.L. James doesn’t owe anyone anything, and it’s not her fault if someone reads her book and does something stupid. Besides, she wrote it for herself and for people who “get it.”

People who get it?  Who, idiots like you?  If EL James wrote this as her own personal fantasy, then she is as messed up as the rest of you bimbos.  But here’s the rub, people. Unless I’m wrong, EL hated Twilight, and she started writing Master of the Universe as a spoof of that series.  But the idiots who liked it weren’t smart enough to realize it, so she just went with it, probably laughing her ass off the whole time.  And now she’s laughing her ass off all the way to the bank, making over $1.3 million a week thanks to brainless women who have no personality of their own, and can’t recognize a joke when they read it.  If it wasn’t being taken so seriously be EVERYONE, I would think it was funny too.  But the truth is, all the millions of people who love this shit think it’s for real!  THAT IS DEPRESSING THE HELL OUT OF ME!

It’s not abuse, it’s BDSM!  You just don’t understand kink!

I don’t think YOU understand kink.  I’m pretty sure both people have to be in agreement with what is going on, and both be turned on by it.  Ana spends the whole trilogy tied up in emotional knots. She doesn’t like it, merely tolerates it because she somehow convinced herself that she was madly in love with this asshole within weeks of meeting him.

So, the only thing you’re mad about is that E.L. James won’t tell people not to try this at home?

This doesn’t apply to me, so I won’t bother answering it.  Besides, I’m so mad about the whole thing, I laugh at the idea of only being mad about that one issue.  I don’t care what anyone does in the privacy of their own bedroom.  I just don’t want to know about it.

You’re just putting words in her mouth! You don’t know if that’s what she meant. She could have just said it wrong.

You could be right here, since I don’t think ELJ meant anything bad about her shit trilogy. Like I said, it was meant to make fun of Twilight. It was never supposed to stand on its own.

It’s not like she said that to a survivor directly. She probably does worry about those women.

Considering how I read that ELJ was a total bitch to Twilight fans before she was famous, I sincerely doubt she gives two shits about anyone now, let alone abuse survivors.

What do you get out of defending this woman and her books?

Since this was a question directed at Jenny’s readers, I will also ask the question, even though I know my readership is dismal.  LOL  It is a valid question. If I was one of the screwed up women out there who was in love with Christian, I would hope I wouldn’t be so quick to admit it.  I might need to evaluate what is wrong with my life that I would be attracted to such a man.  Maybe get professional help?  I know I’ll never understand why women are so turned on by these books or by Christian.  The sex is average at best. I’ve read and written better. I like strong men who protect their women.  I’ve even liked Vikings in historical romances.  Bossing around a woman on occasion is great in the right context.  But nothing about how Christian treats Ana is right.  So yeah, those of us who feel strongly about this will speak up.  Unfortunately, our anger and passion merely fuels EL James’ bank account, since more and more people want to find out what is so shocking. Have you morons never heard of a library?  Or borrow from one of your idiotic friends?  Please stop making this woman even richer!

Related articles

• How E.L. James screwed over the literary world (corrileelit.wordpress.com)
• Cold Feet? Dakota Johnson CouldFollow Charlie Hunnam In ‘Fifty Shades’ Exit (contactmusic.com)
• 50 Shades of Grey Parody (blushrerotica.wordpress.com)
• ‘Fifty Shades’ of a Bad Relationship (nittanypride.wordpress.com)
• Fifty Shades of Grey Actor Quits Movie after Reading Fifty Shades of Grey (neatorama.com)

Best baked potato EVER!

I just had to share this, since i experimented last night, and it turned out super yummy!

Disclaimer: yes, I realize that actual baked potatoes (as in the oven) are the best, but I don’t have the patience to wait that long, especially when the end result is as wonderful as this turned out to be!

Take one well sized (dare i say endowed?) potato and scrub it well with water.  Rinse.
Put damp potato on a plate and drizzle with olive oil.  Don’t over do it.  Using your fingers, rotate the potato on the plate and rub the oil to coat the skin.
Light sprinkle potato with salt – sea salt works best.
Put in microwave and bake for 8 minutes.

When there’s about a minute to go, take a few tablespoons of butter and minced garlic and put in microwave safe cup.  Sprinkle in salt to your own taste.  Once potato is done, swap it for the cup in the microwave and heat butter/garlic for about 40 seconds.  You want the butter melted but not boiling.
While that’s heating, cut the potato in half length wise and then slice each half down the middle (skin should be facing down)
Stir butter/garlic and make sure it’s all liquid and then evenly pour over spread out potato.

Then sprinkle generously with bacon bits and grated cheese (you can skip this if you don’t like cheese…but who the hell doesn’t like cheese besides weird people?)
Microwave for an additional 40 seconds and enjoy!  I know I did!

First review for Kinky Kitty

A review is a review, right? Even if it’s stupid.  I just got my first review on Kinky Kitty, my soft BDSM erotic short story. The review was posted on B&N, probably cause it’s easier to post an anonymous review for cowards.    Here it is:

You should be able to talk with your lover and tell him what you like and what excites you. If not find someone else who does. J.

That’s it. Nothing about the story being interesting or the sex hot or not, just a complaint that Kitty didn’t discuss this with her boyfriend.  It’s not a novel, people!  It’s about 2000 words of kinky sex and a woman who cares about the man her lover is and maybe isn’t willing to lose him over her sexual hangups.  Is it the best idea?  Maybe not.  Is her alternative the best decision?  Maybe not.  IT’S FICTION!

Here’s a newsflash. Plenty of women stay in relationships where they aren’t satisfied. Hell, I’ve been married for years to a man who isn’t that good in bed.  Maybe that’s why I escape into these types of stories. I create fantasies for women who might feel they are in a rut and want to temporarily escape their realities since they can’t do it for real.

So before you complain that Kitty doesn’t want to discuss her kink with her vanilla boyfriend, just think about that.  Think about how that stupid Ana is scared shitless of Christian, but that doesn’t stop you droves of moronic women from swooning over his worthless ass.

/rant

Wow, creating Blush Rose was the best thing I ever did. Now, I can call out all you bimbos and not fear repercussions.  You anonymous reviewers aren’t the only ones who can hide behind their computer screens.  😛

50 Shades of Grey Parody

It really never occurred to me until yesterday to check the internet to see if there are other 50 Shades of Grey parodies before I wrote mine. Yes, for those few who might be wondering and weren’t able to figure it out, THAT is the story I’m spoofing in my 15 Layers Trilogy.  I know, it was so HARD to figure out.

Of course I knew about the 50 Sheds of Grey, but that isn’t the same thing as I what I did.  I wanted to make a romance with similar characters in sort of similar situations and make them incredibly stupid.  Because that is how I see the original trilogy. It’s stupid. At least in my trilogy, they’re honest about it.

Since I’m not advertising my story at all, I hope a little word of mouth helps get a bit of interest going about it.  After all, it only costs $1.98 total to read my little spoof, while there are people out there forking out $45 to read 50 Shades trilogy in hardback.  Dang, it must be nice to have so much disposable cash.  I must say I am quite proud that not a dime of my money has helped increase EL James’ coffers.  Yes, I will eventually watch the train wreck the movie will be, but I’ll rent it for a buck at Redbox, so she still won’t get a penny. At least I don’t think Redbox has to share that dollar with the author, since they will pay outright for the DVD they will eventually rent to me any other rubberneckers who choose to rent it.

Not that I have any ill will toward EL James.  Other than her being allowed to take a fanfiction, change the names and publish it, since that is supposed to be against the rules.  But oh well, more power to her.
No, the people I hold ill will toward are the stupid suckers who made EL James rich.  I tortured myself on the first installment, and I suffered through Jenny Trout’s recaps so I could be more informed for my spoof, so I know how messed up these books are.  And for all those millions out there buying and loving the 50 Shades trilogy?  You are messed up in the head. If it were just a few thousand of you, I could easily live with that, since there will always be unbalanced people, but when there are literally millions of them out there, living beside us?  THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT ME.

Writing my parody was cathartic.  I laughed and snickered and almost felt better about all this mess while I wrote it.  It made me feel good to make fun of it.  That is the only way I can manage to get my head around its popularity.

So there you have it. That is why I wrote it.  Feel free to read it and let me know what you think.  It will be available all over the web soon, including Amazon, though they won’t offer the first installment free.  If you only shop there, let them know where it’s free elsewhere, and maybe they will price match.