I checked my stats on Smashwords just now and got the shock of all time.  In the first two months of this year, over 6000 iPhone users have read my short parody poem about Christian Grey on the Apple store.  I even added up the other sales/views to verify that out of my 6408 sales/views, only 345 were for all my other books/stories/poems combined.  So during January and February 6063 lost souls must have searched and devoured anything related to Christian Grey, including my little humble poem.  Do you think they were disappointed to discover that I’m actually making fun of their messed up heartthrob? I really do snicker at the very thought.  For those who are curious and don’t want to waste your time looking for it, here is the link to the poem that you can read online:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/363923

Though I can’t resist posting a few of my favorite lines:

One orgasm after another, all it takes is a whisper.
If your lady doesn’t, then you’re doing it wrong, mister.

And this one too:

Other women want you all for themselves and their selfish greed,
but he’s mine, bitches, so back off or you’ll get kneed. 

I had a lot of fun writing this poem, so please check it out and see for yourself what the buzz is about.  :)

March update: 3274 more views! Wow, it’s almost hit the 10,000 mark!

I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile.  Ever since I saw a comment on Facebook a few weeks ago, but I haven’t had the time to bring it up until now.  It is a debate I’ve been in plenty of times, so I’m surprised this argument never occurred to me before.  What prompted it and what is it about, you ask?  Public breastfeeding…

Now, before you jump to the comments and immediately attack me, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with breastfeeding your babies in public. I won’t even discuss the ridiculous women who insist on doing so with an unruly toddler who rips your shirt open to expose your whole chest to all those around you, since really, what’s the point?  No, I’m talking to those extremist breeders who deliberately do it, and hope someone is offended.  You know who you are.  The ones who hold nurse-ins if a manager dares tell a breastfeeding mother to cover up her exposed breast because other customers are offended.  Yes, you!

One of your ilk posted on Facebook, and I’m paraphrasing here: I’ll do whatever I want, and I don’t give a fuck if anyone else is embarrassed or offended.  Who cares what they think?

This comment got me thinking.  If we look at our civilized society, it is built on people being considerate of other people.  We shower so we don’t stink, since we’re so close to other people all day.  We chew gum or use mouthwash, so our breath doesn’t stink and offend others.  We chew with our mouths closed, so the food flopping around in our mouths doesn’t disgust other diners.  We cover our faces when we sneeze or cough, so our germs don’t get spread around to other people.  We try to say thank you and please to other people, since it’s common courtesy.

So, is that fool who posted that she would do whatever she wants, because she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks or how they feel, does she not do what everyone else does in our society? Does she not bathe, or brush her teeth, and chew with her mouth open, and sneeze and cough in others’ faces?  Somehow I doubt that. She was probably raised to do all this, since it’s common courtesy.  So how can common courtesy not come into play when you’re surrounded by a bunch of strangers who don’t want to see your tit?  Does having a baby change all the rules?  No, of course not. You can whine and complain all you want that your child doesn’t let you cover them, but I have never seen this situation. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but I’m guessing you’re majorly exaggerating to further the control issue you have over this topic.  I have seen the extreme ugly side that extreme breast feeders have, and I want no part of it.  You give the rest of the women out there who breast feed a bad name.  You aren’t helping your cause with your ugliness and rudeness.

My mom always tells me, you get more bees with honey than with vinegar.

Love is love?

Posted: March 16, 2015 in Smut, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Warning: Rant ahead!

I cannot possibly be the only person who is tired of the phrase “Love is love”. I see it everywhere. A friend on Facebook posted it. I see it in memes, and in my favorite shows. I am about ready to choke the living shit out of the next person who says that to my face. Luckily, I don’t surround myself with people who would dare say such things to me, so I think a prison sentence isn’t in my near future.

Let’s break down what that phrase means, shall we? Love is love is used mostly by homosexuals in justifying their choice to screw the same sex. They throw love around, as if to take attention away from their deviant acts and make them sound pure, like the love a mother would have for her baby. Give me a break. Love is not love when you’re actually talking about sex. If you’re talking about the innocent love of something or someone else, then yes, love is love.

Feel free to love your children, pets, friends, family, cars, houses, clothes, shoes, etc. But if you throw sex into any of those, it can range from a bizarre fetish to downright illegal. So people please, I beg you, stop using that pathetic overused phrase when trying to justify your sexual deviance.

/end rant

Kinky Kitty Kept & Roni’s Abduction

Posted: February 8, 2015 in Smut
Tags: , ,

Phew!  Back to back erotica.  I tell you what!  Once I’d finished writing these hot new stories, I had to rape my husband on the couch.  Wow! I decided that Kitty’s story wasn’t finished, so I think I wrapped it up with a nice bow for those of you who wanted her to wake up and tell her man what she wanted.  Kinky Kitty Kept starts with Kinky Kitty and then continues with more hot bondage sex.  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/517722

Roni’s Abduction starts with a lost girl checking into what turns out to be the inn from hell.  She is afraid for her life, until she realizes she recognizes the voice of one of her captors.  Will he be her chance to escape? Warning, there is attempted rape and uncomfortable situations which might not be the best thing for rape survivors to read.  For those of us with rape fantasies, you should be just fine.  ;-)  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/516975

Miss PC strikes again

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Smut

If nothing else, Jen (aka Miss PC) gives me fodder for my blogs.  I thought it’d check out her site, since I haven’t visited since winter, and I was wondering if she had thrown in the towel and shut her site down.  I know, wishful thinking.

It was still there, so I scrolled through a few of her pathetic reviews and unattractive photos of herself and found this gem (of course I had to do a search, since she had a “donotlink” url in a pitiful attempt to lower the hits on said article):

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2686676/Why-todays-young-women-unashamed-fat-Horrified-rolls-flesh-shes-witnessed-summer-LINDA-KELSEY-takes-no-prisoners.html

I doubt I would even have found this article without Miss PC’s help, but the gist of it is that Linda Kelsey does not like fat people.  Honestly, who really does?  And I’m not talking about normal fat. I’m talking obese, since a little fat is not unhealthy.  I have had a weight problem for most of my life, and I’ve always been relatively healthy.  My doctors are always impressed with my cholesterol levels.  But I think people confuse fat with obese.  No one, and I really mean no one, wants to see an obese woman wearing some of the clothing that Linda describes in her article.  It truly can make you lose your appetite to see fat rolls upon fat rolls. If you have that much extra, cover it up.  And no, you don’t have to wear a burlap bag, as many of the snide comments, as well as Miss PC, mocked, but clothes that fit your body and might even complement the extra weight.  You’re not doing yourself (or anyone else) any favors by wearing something that makes other people either laugh or retch.

Miss PC then went on about how she posted a pic of herself in a bikini and the world kept spinning.  All I could think of is that she must be really conceited to think that the world revolves around her and that if she did something so shocking like wearing a bikini, everyone would stop what they were doing and stare.  I looked at the photo, expecting the worst. What I saw was a smiling fat woman with bad hair, wearing a modest two piece bathing suit.  Most of her rolls were covered, with only her cellulite obvious.  I guess she doesn’t realize that a bikini is not the same thing as a two piece.  Pretty much the definition of a bikini is small scraps of material designed to only cover your nipples, crotch and ass.  Now, had she been sporting a thong and were morbidly obese, I’m sure she would have gotten reactions a bit closer to what she feared (or expected).  I searched for a photo to illustrate my point but couldn’t find one hideous enough.

Last year, Miss PC jumped my shit about this topic, assuming that since I made one negative remark to an unhealthy but proud obese woman that I must hate all fat people.  There might be people out there who would call me fat, so naturally it doesn’t mean I hate all fat people.  But I am disgusted by all obese people, especially if those people are proud of their sizes and have no interest in dropping any of that poundage.  It doesn’t matter who you are, obese IS unhealthy, and it’s ugly.   No amount of politically correct bullshit is going to change that fact.

You keep being a fattist, Linda.  Maybe, just maybe, you’ll have an impact on some obese girls out there who dress like hookers.  Maybe they’ll make a positive change in their lives…or at the very least cover up a bit of that fat flesh.

 

That wicked gal Trudy

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Smut

Hey there!  I got a wild hair and decided to write the second part of Trudy’s coma patient.  It is now published and available here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/459875

What happens if the man of your dreams isn’t actually your type?  Well, here was my chance to write the answer.  Not for the faint of heart!

 

Enjoy!  ;-)

The idiocy caused by the LGBT movement against the parades in the Northeast have inspired me to write a poem.

Oh Guinness, Heinekin and Sam Adams beer
It seems you all like it up the rear.
It actually makes sense you like crap,
since that is what gets poured from the tap.

What is my beer of choice, you retort?
Well, it’s ice cold Bud Light, of course.
Anheiser Busch, all the way,
a true beer maker to rise above the fray.

I’m sure the parade goers will all rise their mugs and cheer
with family and friends, enjoying their choice beer.
Green is the color to celebrate today of all days,
not purple, rainbow or other nonsense  reserved for gays.

Oh Guinness, Heinekin and Sam Adams beer,
What will you do next year,
if instead of the fags crying about their fate,
pedophile vets want to participate?