Things I will probably most likely not ever write about

Posted: September 29, 2013 in Smut

There are two things that many erotica authors seem to gravitate towards: gay and anal sex. To me those are one in the same. Why?  Because if a man wants to screw someone in the ass, what does it matter the sex? All humans have assholes, so if he wants to stick it there, he shouldn’t care about the gender.  So yeah, gay and anal sex go hand in hand.

In my parody trilogy I did include a bit of back door action, because it was in 50 Shades Freed, so I had to at least put in a scene with a butt plug. But I personally don’t see a butt plug as offensive as actually putting a dick there.  For one thing, a plug is a hell of a lot smaller and can’t lead to too much damage. After all, there is a reason why anal sex is the leading cause of the spread of HIV.  Cocks rip up ass holes, causing tears, which allow disease to enter the body. Um, hello, did that sink in?  This bitch will never allow a guy’s dick up her ass.  My husband accidentally (at least I hope it was an accident) went in the wrong hole one time we were both drunk, and I immediately dropped to the fetal position from the pain.  HELL NO!  Never again, and that was just the head of his dick.  My ass is an off ramp for crap leaving my body. It will never have a “Welcome home” sign hanging on it.  Other than the occasional finger and maybe some day a plug, aint nothing going up there…EVER!

Enough said about that, but gay sex is even worse, at least between two men. I won’t even discuss lesbian sex, since admit it, all they can do is go down on each other and use toys.  Not much to explore there, but men can use their dicks on each other.  Again, it’s an off ramp, not a welcome sign, but other than the mouth it’s the only hole gays have to play with.  So it’s pretty much a given.  But since the concept of anal sex is so repugnant to me, the idea of two men fucking just makes it that much worse.  I read a gay erotic short one time out of curiosity. And while the writing was good and the story interesting, I laughed out loud at one of the dumbest things I could read.  I don’t know if the author was serious or just thought maybe that was the appeal for men being gay, but during the sex with a lumberjack of a guy with a huge schlong, he reached so deep that the guy had an out of body experience from the combination of pain and blissful pleasure (yeah right). But the thing that made me roll my eyes was the comment that only a man could understand this feeling from another man.  So I guess if a woman had a man screwing her ass so deep she could feel it at the back of her tonsils, she couldn’t understand that feeling?  Because she wasn’t a man?  Really?  After all, I thought our colons were pretty  much put together the same way. You  know, as human beings?  Maybe I’m wrong.  I know we don’t have a prostate, but I’m pretty certain that is close to the opening, not way back up inside there.  To top that off, this shit doesn’t turn me on.  It turns me off, so I will never understand why so many women like to write, let alone read, gay male erotica.  But then, I don’t understand why so many women swoon over Christian Grey.  You gals are a bunch of sickos.  Just sayin’!

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